This month’s Partnership with Parents session explored the work of Dr. Daniel J. Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, authors of The Yes Brain. The goal is not to say “yes” to every request your child makes, it is to help your child say yes to life. 

A Yes Brain is about openness. It helps children approach challenges with curiosity instead of fear, flexibility instead of rigidity, and connection instead of defensiveness. It focuses on long-term development, building inner strength rather than eliminating all difficult behaviour. 

The Triangle of Well-Being 

Dr. Siegel explains development through the Triangle of Well-Being, which shows how three areas constantly influence one another: 

• Mind – our thoughts and feelings 
• Brain – our nervous system 
• Relationships – our connections with others 

Each point shapes the others. Our relationships affect how the brain develops. The brain shapes how we think and feel. And our thoughts influence how we respond to others. 

This is powerful news for parents: everyday interactions literally shape neural pathways.

As Siegel says, “Where attention goes, neural firing flows, and neural connections grow.” Calm, attuned responses strengthen regulation. Empathy strengthens insight. Repair strengthens resilience. 

In simple terms: how we show up matters, emotionally and biologically. 

When “No” Takes Over 

All children enter what Siegel calls a No Brain state at times. This is not bad behaviour, it is a protective response. When children feel overwhelmed, their nervous system shifts into survival mode (fight, flight, freeze, or shutdown). In these moments, reasoning rarely works because the thinking brain is temporarily offline. 

Instead of asking, “How do I stop this behaviour?” we can ask, 
“How do I restore safety and connection?” 

Connection calms the nervous system. Once children feel safe, the brain becomes receptive again. 

What to Say in a No Brain Moment 

For younger children: 

• “You’re having a hard time.” 
• “I’m here. We’ll figure this out.” 
• “Let’s take a breath together.” 

For teenagers: 

• “I can see this feels big.” 
• “Help me understand.” 
• “I’m on your side.” 

These responses signal safety. They don’t remove boundaries, they prepare the brain to receive them. 

Nourishing a Yes Brain 

When children are calm and receptive, we can strengthen growth by saying: 

• “What did you learn?” 
• “I noticed you kept trying.” 
• “How do you think they felt?” 
• “That took courage.” 
• “Mistakes help our brains grow.” 

The Yes Brain rests on four foundations: Balance, Resilience, Insight, and Empathy. These develop gradually through daily interactions, not perfection, but repetition. 

The Role of Secure Attachment 

Research consistently shows that children who feel seen, safe, soothed, and secure develop stronger integration in the prefrontal cortex, the area responsible for emotional balance, empathy, and thoughtful decision-making. Secure attachment is not about perfection or particular parenting styles; it is about attunement. 

Even more encouraging: parents can foster secure attachment regardless of their own childhood experiences. Awareness and reflection, what Siegel calls developing a coherent narrative, can shift generational patterns. 

What This Looks Like at Home 

Cultivating a Yes Brain does not require perfection. It happens in small, repeated moments. 

Here are a few practical examples: 

1. Pause before correcting. 

If your child slams a book down and says, “I hate homework,” try: 

• “I can see you’re really frustrated. Let’s figure this out together.” 

Connection first. Correction second. 

2. Expand emotional language. 

Instead of “You’re fine,” try: 

• “That looked disappointing. Were you hoping for something different?” 

Naming feelings builds insight and regulation. 

3. Normalise recovery. 

When your child calms after a meltdown, reflect: 

• “That was hard, and you worked your way through it.” 

Resilience grows when children see themselves as capable of returning to balance. 

4. Model empathy openly. 

• “I wonder if your friend felt left out when that happened.” 

Empathy is not a personality trait — it is a practiced skill. 

5. Repair when needed. 

If you react sharply, circle back: 

• “I was frustrated earlier, and I raised my voice. I’m sorry.” 

Repair strengthens security more than flawless behaviour ever could. 

Linking to Our School Values 

The Yes Brain connects deeply with our school values: 

• Care grows through empathy and feeling seen. 
• Dedication grows when children persist through challenge. 
• Integrity develops through self-awareness and reflection. 
• Curiosity flourishes when children feel safe to explore and make mistakes. 

When home and school both prioritise safety, connection, and growth, children thrive — academically and emotionally. 

A Final Encouragement 

Every child experiences No Brain moments. This is not a flaw - it is development. Our role is not to eliminate stress, but to guide children back toward openness and receptivity. 

Small, consistent responses matter far more than perfect parenting. A Yes Brain helps children do more than cope. It helps them thrive, to approach life with dedication, integrity, care, and curiosity. 

And perhaps most importantly, this work is relational. Growth happens between us. 

A Simple Reflection to Try This Week: Pause, Notice, Connect 

Once a day, when your child reacts strongly: 

1. Pause – Take one breath. Ask yourself: Is this No Brain or Yes Brain? 
2. Notice – What is happening in my own body? 
3. Connect – Say one sentence that increases safety: 

• “I’m here.” 
• “This feels big.” 
• “We’ll work through it.” 

You don’t have to fix everything. Restoring connection is often enough to begin the shift back to a Yes Brain state. 

At the end of the week, reflect: 

• Did connection change the moment? 
• Did recovery feel quicker? 
• Did I feel different? 

Small, consistent responses matter far more than perfect parenting. A Yes Brain helps children do more than cope — it helps them thrive with care, dedication, integrity, and curiosity. 

Progress, not perfection. 

References  

Bryson, T. P., & Siegel, D. J. (2018). The yes brain: How to cultivate courage, curiosity, and resilience in your child. Bantam Books. 

Siegel, D. J. (2012). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. 

Siegel, D. J. (2014). Parenting from the inside out: How a deeper self-understanding can help you raise children who thrive (2nd ed.). Jeremy P Tarcher. 

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind. Delacorte Press. 

Nichols, G. (n.d.). Book review: The Yes Brain – Siegel & Bryson. Cohort21. https://cohort21.com/garthnichols/classroom/book-review-the-yes-brain-seigel-bryson/ 

Tilt Parenting. (2018, January 9). An interview with Dan Siegel about The Yes Brain. https://tiltparenting.com/2018/01/09/interview-dan-siegel/ 

U.S. News & World Report. (2017, November 29). The Yes Brain approach to parenting and life. https://health.usnews.com/wellness/for-parents/articles/2017-11-29/the-yes-brain-approach-to-parenting-and-life 

Bryson, T. P. (n.d.). The Yes Brain video interviews. https://www.tinabryson.com/video-interviews/category/The+Yes+Brain