As a school counsellor, I often think about how we help young people grow not only academically, but also emotionally, socially, and spiritually. Two ideas I find particularly powerful - and surprisingly complementary-are the Japanese concept of ikigai and the practice of validating children’s emotions.  

What Is Ikigai? 

The word ikigai (生き甲斐) is often translated loosely as one’s “reason for being” or “a reason to live” (Durango Schools). In Japanese culture, ikigai is about finding meaning, joy, and balance in life by bringing together four elements: 

1. What you love 
2. What you are good at 
3. What the world needs 
4. What you can be paid for (or can realistically contribute) 

When these four areas overlap, a person may feel that their life has coherence, purpose, and direction. In educational settings, ikigai has been adapted as a reflective tool to help students consider their passions, strengths, and the contributions they might make to the world. Encouraging students to explore their ikigai can help them make clearer decisions about their studies, their goals, and their sense of who they are. 

 Ikigai is about aligning who you are with what you do-so your day-to-day life feels meaningful, not merely busy. 

Why Emotional Validation Matters for Children 

While ikigai speaks more to the long-term horizon of purpose and meaning, the practice of emotional validation is a moment-to-moment tool in our relationships with children. 

Emotional validation means acknowledging and accepting a child’s feelings as real, understandable, and worthy of attention, without necessarily agreeing with the behaviour that may accompany those feelings. It’s not about immediately fixing the problem, silencing the emotion, or dismissing it. Rather, it’s about saying, “I hear you. This must be hard. I can see why you feel this way.”  

Why is this important? 

• Validation lets children feel seen, heard, and understood. It fosters trust, deepens relationships, and builds emotional safety. 
• It helps children develop emotional literacy: putting names to feelings, learning about intensity, and discovering that emotions are transient. 
• Research shows that validating children’s emotions supports greater persistence in frustrating tasks.  
• Children whose emotions are invalidated (for example, being told “you’re overreacting” or “there’s nothing to be upset about”) may feel dismissed, misunderstood, or ashamed. Over time, that can contribute to internalising problems (anxiety, low self-esteem) or emotional suppression. 
• Emotion regulation skills are associated with better academic outcomes and classroom behaviour.  

Emotional validation is a relational and developmental practice that builds children’s emotional capacity, resilience, and internal safety. 

How Ikigai and Emotional Validation Are Linked 

You may wonder: how do these two ideas- ikigai (a concept of meaning and purpose) and emotional validation (a relational practice)-interact? I see at least three ways: 

1. Developing Self-Knowledge 

Discovering one’s ikigai begins with self-awareness-learning to tune in to personal preferences, strengths, frustrations, and hopes. Emotional validation supports this process by creating a safe space for children to explore and express their inner experiences-what they feel, want, and struggle with. When children feel understood and accepted, they become more open to meaningful reflection, asking themselves, “What do I love? What truly matters to me?” 

2. Creating Psychological Safety 
Finding purpose can feel uncertain or even intimidating for children. Before they can explore who they are and what they value, they must feel emotionally safe. Through validation, adults communicate to children that their thoughts and feelings are worthy of respect and attention. This sense of safety allows children to take emotional and intellectual risks-to try new things, make mistakes, and grow-without fear of judgment. 

3. Aligning Motivation with Emotional Reality 
As children develop, they may feel pressure to pursue what seems expected or “successful,” even if it doesn’t feel right to them. Emotional validation helps bridge that gap by encouraging honest self-reflection. When we acknowledge a child’s discomfort-“I can see this doesn’t feel right for you”-we help them recognise that true motivation comes from alignment between their emotions and their goals. This awareness nurtures authenticity and helps them move closer to a sense of purpose that genuinely fits who they are. 

Thus, emotional validation is more than a strategy for managing conflict-it is a core relational practice that nurtures children’s growing sense of self and helps them move toward a deeper understanding of their purpose. 

Practical Suggestions for Parents & Staff 

Here are some ways you might bring these ideas into your daily interactions with children. They are intentionally practical and modest-small shifts, over time. 

Over time, these practices help children feel safer to explore their inner worlds—and perhaps take the first steps toward discovering their ikigai. 

A Word of Caution & Balance 

While emotional validation is powerful, it’s not the same as permissiveness or abandoning boundaries. Validating a feeling does not mean excusing harmful behaviour. We can still say, “I understand you’re angry, and I accept that. But I can’t allow hitting or yelling. Let’s find a better way.”  

Also, giving children purpose and meaning (as in ikigai) is a long journey; not all children will articulate a clear ikigai in upper school. The goal is to create a supportive environment in which exploration, faltering, shifting, and redefinition are possible. 

Conclusion 

As a school community, we have the privilege and responsibility to shape not only minds, but hearts. Integrating ikigai and emotional validation offers us a way to support children more deeply: 

• Ikigai invites ongoing reflection toward meaning, alignment, and growth. 
• Emotional validation offers daily relational practices that create safety, trust, and emotional insight. 

By validating children’s emotional worlds, we help them develop internal clarity and resilience-and move, over time, toward more authentic and purpose-filled lives. 

References  

Calm. (n.d.). Ikigai: what it is and how to use ikigai to find your purpose. Retrieved from https://www.calm.com/blog/ikigai  

Children’s Health Council. (n.d.). Validating Your Child’s Emotions. Retrieved from https://www.chconline.org/resourcelibrary/validating-your-childs-emotions  

Durango Schools. (n.d.). Ikigai (translated page). Retrieved from https://www.durangoschools.org/apps/pages/index.jsp?uREC_ID=3930000&type=d&pREC_ID=2545630 

LearnLife. (n.d.). Ikigai for students and purpose-inspired learning. Retrieved from https://blog.learnlife.com/ikigai-for-students 

PsychCentral. (2022, June 23). The powerful parenting tool of validation. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-powerful-parenting-tool-of-validation 

PositivePsychology.com. (n.d.). 6 worksheets & templates to find your ikigai. Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/ikigai-worksheets-templates/  

Resilience Across Borders. (n.d.). Validating Emotions: What it Is and Why It Is Important for Children. Retrieved from https://resilienceacrossborders.org/validating-emotions-what-it-is-and-why-it-is-important-for-children/  

Sinews. (n.d.). Emotional validation: A fundamental need in childhood and adolescence. Retrieved from https://www.sinews.es/en/emotional-validation-a-fundamental-need-in-childhood-and-adolescence/  

Jeon J, Park D. Your feelings are reasonable: Emotional validation promotes persistence among preschoolers. Dev Sci. 2024 Sep;27(5):e13523. doi: 10.1111/desc.13523. Epub 2024 May 2. PMID: 38695535. Retrieved from https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/desc.13523